A Shiny New Penny
by ShadowsOnTheMoon
Summary: "Spencer went in there at rock bottom and she came out like a shiny new penny." A quick one-shot set before the start of 3x24: Spencer gets ready to meet her friends and thinks about what's to come.


**So I noticed in 3x24 Spencer's nails were painted black. And for a while I've been wondering what would have been going through her mind as she painted them, and this is the result. Let me know what you think.**

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Spencer sat on the end of her bed, brushed a few strands of hair away from her face, and opened the little bottle of black nail polish. As she bent down to start applying it to her toes, she caught sight of something sticking out from under her bed. She quickly twisted the lid back on and crouched down, hurriedly stuffing the black hoodie under her bed. Her heart was beating fast; she knew nobody could possibly have seen it, but that didn't stop her from being nervous. She was so used to having her every move watched by A… but now she had to remind herself that she _was_ A. She and Mona were on the same side, so even if the other girl had been watching, she wouldn't have seen anything suspicious. No, it was only Spencer's friends she had to be wary of now. If they saw this…

She straightened, satisfied that her secret was hidden again, and sat back down. As she spread the black liquid across her toenails, she let her mind wander. But where her mind wandered, her heart followed, bringing with it a storm of emotions that made it hard to keep her hand steady. She had to keep stopping, taking a deep breath, and making a conscious effort to stop her hands from shaking. After everything that had happened, she was hardly at her best right now. And though she was out of Radley, 'good as new' as her parents put it, she knew that chapter of her life wasn't gone or forgotten.

She had done unspeakable things. She'd kidnapped a seven-year-old boy, thereby breaking up her best friend's relationship. She'd pushed her friends away, lashing out at them when they were only trying to help. Heck, she'd even tried to strangle Mona, which although not condemnable was still ill-advised. But the most unforgivable thing she had done was give up. When she'd seen the body in the woods, believing it was Toby, something in her had snapped. Like a thread pulled too tight, reaching its breaking point as it was dragged in two directions at once. She had broken.

Spencer Hastings, top of every class, president of more societies than she could count, voted 'most likely to be successful' and 'most likely to own their own business by age twenty five', had simply thrown in the towel. She had lost all composure, all will to keep fighting. She had stumbled, fallen, and she'd been unable to come up with any shred of desire or energy with which to go on. She'd been on that forest floor for who knows how long, her hope leaching away like the earth beneath her was drinking it in.

She'd been left with nothing, no one, no reason to go on. But she was Spencer. She was a Hastings. She couldn't just give up. It had taken a visit from Mona, of all people, to show her that. And Mona had made her an offer she couldn't refuse. She'd turned her down once before, and that had ended disastrously. All that had happened since then was, to some extent, her fault. The weight of that guilt had been crushing her, and seeing Toby in the woods like that had broken her completely. But here was her chance to rise from the rubble, to pry herself free and start to rebuild the mess she had made.

She looked at her nails. The black polish reflected the light coming from her lamp, making them shimmer slightly. She moved onto her fingernails. The nail polish was cool, and the first touch made her shiver. She felt like painting her nails was symbolic; disguising herself so that she could do what she had to do. Besides, they matched that lovely black hoodie. She may have sold her soul to the devil, but she hadn't lost her sense of style.

After she finished that hand she transferred the nail polish brush to her other hand and kept going. The action was repetitive, soothing. Not much had made any sense in her life lately, and even less had been anything close to relaxing, so this was almost enjoyable. She knew it was just the calm before the storm, but she let herself enjoy it anyway. She may as well have a moment of relaxation before the thunder and lightning started. And when it did, she knew she'd be in a lot of danger. She'd be the lightning tower, standing alone with the rain rolling in, a prime target for anyone and anything. She was playing a dangerous game here, and she was well aware that it could end with someone getting hurt. But as long as it was her and not her friends, she was willing to take that risk.

She put the brush back in the bottle and screwed the lid on, then looked at her nails. They were all black, like tar, and that's how her insides felt – heavy, suffocating. She was going to be meeting Mona later that afternoon, and she would do so wearing black pants and shoes, her signature black hoodie drawn over her face. She would blend into the shadows, into the night, the darkness. She hoped she'd be able to keep that little light inside her, the one fuelled by love for her friends. If that ever went out she'd lose herself in the darkness, becoming nothing more than a shadow herself.

As she stood up she glanced at herself in the mirror. She looked tired, but determined. There were shades of the old Spencer in her eyes, which were brighter than they'd been in a week. She wasn't quite as chipper as her parents tried to make out she was, but she was alert and aware enough to be able to fool her friends into thinking she was okay. And as long as they bought her act they'd be safe, for now.

On the way to the door she stopped to grab something from her dresser. It was a small coin, her lucky penny. She'd found it on the ground the day she first kissed Toby, and for weeks afterwards she'd carried it around in her pocket. Eventually she'd become so scared to lose it that she'd tucked it into her sock drawer, and only took it out when she really thought she needed luck. It wasn't that she even believed it was lucky; it was more that it reminded her that things could go right sometimes, that not everything was hopeless. And she needed that right now. It felt cold against her skin as she slid it into her pocket.

She paused at the door, searching deep for any shreds of courage she might still have. Then she took a deep breath, hitched a smile on her face, and headed downstairs to meet her friends and her fate.

Let the game begin.

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End file.
